HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

A child coming home for the holidays is exciting but can be a stressful time for parents and theirs families. Your child has been away from home long enough that he might feel totally independent from the rest of the family, and the family might have some unrealistic expectations for the holiday visit.

Following are some helpful does and don’t to help make the holiday visit rewarding and stress free:

DO:

• Talk to your daughter about what she wants to do during the break.
• Discuss your expectations with your son. If you don’t want to stay up worrying about him coming in at 3:00 a.m., let him know that.
• Have a family meeting to discuss important issues: who gets to drive the car and when, planned family meals or get-togethers with relatives, chores you expect your daughter to assume, and her hours for coming and going.
• You will need to re-negotiate your son’s hours and family responsibilities while he’s home from school. Remember that he’s been able to set his own hours at school.
• Don’t assume that your daughter will easily revert to the curfew you had for her when she was in high school.
• Prepare yourself and other family members. Don’t expect to welcome home the same child you sent off to college.

DON’T

• Plan family activities before discussing them with your son.
• Let yourself feel rejected if your daughter doesn’t spend much time with the family.
• Be a doormat – cook all of your son’s favorite foods and put your life on hold while you wait for him to interact with the family.

(Johnson, H. E. & Schelhas-Miller, C. (2000). Don’t Tell Me What o Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years, St. Martin’s Griffin, NY.)

For further information on this topic, please visit the following web sites:

www.teensarenotadisease.com/home_for_the_holidays.htm

www.collegemomadvice.com/topic/homeforholidays.shtml

www.capital4u.net/homefortheholidays.html

www.hon.ch/News/HSN/510563.html

www.cbsnews.com/stories/

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